


Hoid's 100% Correct True Cosmere Facts

by she_who_recs



Category: Cosmere - Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn - Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Crack, Dramatic Irony, Epistolary, FULL Stormlight spoilers, Gen, Hoid is a troll, Humor, full Mistborn spoilers, takes place between OB and RoW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_who_recs/pseuds/she_who_recs
Summary: Harmony asks Hoid for a bit of information. This may have been a mistake.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	Hoid's 100% Correct True Cosmere Facts

Dear Harmony,

Thank you once again; your response has been most gratifying. I assure you, you will have _no_ cause to regret our partnership. As requested, I am providing you with more information on the wider Cosmere, in the form of a short primer. Starting from the very beginning…

ADONALSIUM

In the beginning there was… well, how to describe Him? Some say he was God, or _a_ god, or simply a cosmic force. One wise man posited he was a small monkey fed an exceedingly large amount of gin, though we can safely discount him. The being was known as Adonalsium, or sometimes Adolin or Ba-Ado-Mishram. His most secret and holy name was Bran’dawn, or “Wielder of Dawnshards”. With those primordial divine Commands (Change, Unite, Untie, Charm, and Strange) he created the very Cosmere itself.

Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates a job well done, and eventually a group of disgruntled individuals ambushed Adonalsium over his morning coffee. This was the Shattering of Adonalsium; most of the pieces were eventually recovered, but to this day the occasional unlucky worldhopper stumbles across a giant toenail or a bit of earlobe, floating in space. The deific power was broken apart, too. The murderers fled the planet of Yolen one step ahead of the law, stolen Investiture in tow, and became the Shards we know and love today. Well, love or loathe. Mostly loathe, to be honest.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the Prophecy of Unshattering; as the Hero of Ages, I imagine you have an interest in such things. It is said one will arise who will become the avatar of Adonalsium Remade, bringing together all the scattered Shards within himself. There are several versions of the prophecy, but the most common one goes, “Yea, he will have the complex of a god, and carry the scars of the world on his arms; he shall Survive all things, even death; the farthest ends of the world shall worship him, for ultimate divinity is within him.” It’s been ten thousand years and no one has turned up fitting that description, but keep an eye out just in case.

THE SHARDS

There are twenty-three Shards in addition to the two you hold. Even aside from their Intents, their Vessels differ greatly in temperament and personal goals. I would suggest you start by approaching Endowment, Valor, Whimsy, Gluttony, Bissonomy, Todd, or Dad Jokes.

The most troublesome Shard of all, as indicated in my previous letter, is Odium. Rayse harbors the same sort of passion for murder that more balanced and productive members of society feel for instant noodles. (I don’t think you have instant noodles on your planet yet? You should get around to inventing them). He is currently on break from bloodshed at the Braize Spa & Resort, and I’m afraid this has lulled many of the other Shards into complacency. What they fail to realize is that when his bill comes due this eon, he will learn of the ungodly surcharge on his shampoo refills. Once BS&R is a smoldering crater, he’ll be back at his merry regimen of deicide. Rayse is predictable like that. I suppose we should count our blessings in not having to contend with an _unpredictable_ Odium.

As for your own predicament: Trell is not the name of any known Shard, Vessel, Sliver, or sizable Splinter. Strangely enough, “Trelagism” is ancient Yolish for “the real Trell was the friends we made along the way”. Further research is clearly needed.

WORLDHOPPER ORGANIZATIONS

There are also several notable mortal groups at large. You may come across the following on Scadrial from time to time:

**The Ire** are an order of wandering monks from Sel. They love nothing more than to humbly perform selfless deeds, except perhaps to talk about how selfless and humble they are. In your own world, you will likely encounter them collecting door-to-door for spikeless kandra.

**The Ghostbloods** take great pains to merely appear a particularly shady consortium of used-horse salesmen— but don’t be fooled! They are actually spies for the Shard of Skullduggery. Their leader Thaidakar has a particularly unsavory reputation— I will not sully my tongue by repeating the most lurid rumors, but reportedly there was an _entire_ dead mare involved— and is reputed to be hiding out on Scadrial. I would suggest you track him down and put him under house arrest. Maybe slap him around a bit for old times’ sake.

**The Seventeenth Shard** actually _is_ a consortium of particularly shady used-horse salesmen. Buy a Ryshadium, and it will turn out to be a pony with delusions of grandeur by the time you get home.

**The Threnodite Traveling Ghost Orchestra** is the Cosmere’s only all-Cognitive Shadow band. They specialize in something they call “death metal”. They’re not actually very good, but they’re so earnest no one’s had the heart to tell them.

I hope I have managed to be of some small measure of assistance to you. If you have any further questions, please— don’t hesitate to ask. After all, it’s not every day I have the _delight_ of meeting a new Vessel.

Yours cordially,

Hoid 


End file.
